When you are about to pack up your life and take off for who knows how long, life suddenly seems to be something you handle with care. I seem to wake up every morning wondering what new adventure will come my way and what memories I will create to take with me when I'm homesick. I guess I am just evaluating life a little too much. I keep thinking a thousand things such as ... Am I running away because I haven't found what I'm looking for here? Am I going to come back in a year, or will I fall in love with the world? What will I do on my vacations? Will I travel all over Europe to make up for the fact that this will be my first Christmas without my family? God, I sound as though I am homesick all ready and here I am still in Colorado. I wish I could stop my constant thinking already.
Lately I have had severe trouble sleeping. Reasons?? One is probably the creepy house I live in, true. But the significant reason? I think that even though I act as though I am not nervous, my subconcious is taking over at night and freaking out. Its making me have tons of crazy dreams and night terrors. I think its a sign that I need to somehow center myself and just calm down. Or that I'm not doing enough thinking in the daytime. Should I listen? Probably, but I refuse to spend my next month acting as though I'm already gone.
When it comes down to it, I thought that keeping myself extremely busy would be a way for me to avoid all the thinking, but here it is bombarding me in my sleep and when I'm awake. I keep trying to tell myself... Just let it all happen. Thats what life is. Hopefully my mind will start listening to me when I fall asleep. If not I'm going to be one extremely tired American arriving in my new life.
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